No. 78: Oh, that’s a full bush. Warning: Spoilers ahead, obviously.
Universal Pictures
Having never read Fifty Shades of Grey — the first installment of E.L. James' international best-selling book trilogy that began as Twilight fan-fic — all I knew going in to see the film adaptation were the broad strokes: Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson), a mousy college student, gets caught up in a whirlwind BDSM love affair with the withholding but crazy-sexy Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan).
So, naturally, when I sat down to screen the movie I had a lot of thoughts — 141 to be exact.
Warning: Major spoilers for Fifty Shades of Grey lie, bound and gagged, ahead.
1. Is this Annie Lennox singing "I Put A Spell On You?" *waits* Yep! Bless this queen.
2. Oh, this takes place in Seattle?
3. Is that because of Twilight?
4. All of Christian's ties are grey. Subtle.
5. I need a chauffeur.
6. Look at how different Christian and Anastasia are: He has a valet, she has a beaten down jalopy.
7. Anastasia lives in Anthropologie.
8. Is Anastasia kissing her sick friend on the forehead supposed to imply she's liberal with her lips?
9. Only in movies are you always able to find parking directly in front of your destination.
10. Oh, and you never have to lock your car.
11. All of Christian's assistants look like Jaime King, but none of them are Jaime King.
12. I wonder if Jaime King is mad she didn't get a call about this movie?
13. Or that they filled it with Jaime King clones?
14. Annnnnnnd Anastasia fell down.
15. Good thing walking into rooms has effects on your 4.0 GPA.
16. Oh, Steele and Grey. I get it.
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141 Thoughts I Had While Watching "Fifty Shades Of Grey"