Friday, January 16, 2015

If Hermione Was The Main Character In "Harry Potter"

Hermione Granger And The Goddamn Patriarchy.


Mr. and Mrs. Granger of London were proud to say that they had a witch for a daughter.


Mr. and Mrs. Granger of London were proud to say that they had a witch for a daughter.


Not that they said it much, or at all, to anyone. But they were proud all the same.


Warner Bros.


Proud, that is, until their daughter, Hermione, wiped all trace of her existence from their memory.


Proud, that is, until their daughter, Hermione, wiped all trace of her existence from their memory.


It was act born not of spite or rebellion, but of love.


Warner Bros.


Though it pained her beyond measure to do it, Hermione was in the midst of a war, and she was trying to protect her parents from harm.


Though it pained her beyond measure to do it, Hermione was in the midst of a war, and she was trying to protect her parents from harm.


To make sure they were completely safe, she shipped them off to Australia, where nothing dangerous ever happens.


Warner Bros.


Hermione had been doxxed by supporters of the cause she'd been fighting against for years: The Patriarchy.


Hermione had been doxxed by supporters of the cause she'd been fighting against for years: The Patriarchy.


The Patriarchy's first mistake had been to assume that women were somehow lesser. Their second mistake was to fuck with Hermione Granger.


Warner Bros.




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24 Things No One Ever Tells You About Book Publishing

Ten years ago, my first novel Prep came out. Here’s what I’ve learned about the publishing industry and writing since then.



My first novel.


Via amazon.com


1. When it comes to fellow writers, don't buy into the narcissism of small differences. In all their neurotic, competitive, smart, funny glory, other writers are your friends.


2. Unless you're Stephen King, or you're standing inside your own publishing house, assume that nobody you meet has ever heard of you or your books. If they have, you can be pleasantly surprised.


3. At a reading, 25 audience members and 20 chairs is better than 200 audience members and 600 chairs.


4. There are very different ways people can ask a published writer for the same favor. Polite, succinct, and preemptively letting you off the hook is most effective.


5. Blurbs achieve almost nothing, everyone in publishing knows it, and everyone in publishing hates them.


6. But a really good blurb from the right person can, occasionally, make a book take off.


7. When your book is on best-seller lists, people find you more amusing and respond to your emails faster.



Summit Entertainment / Via Tumblr


8. When your book isn't on best-seller lists, your life is calmer and you have more time to write.


9. The older you are when your first book is published, the less gratuitous resentment will be directed at you.


10. The goal is not to be a media darling; the goal is to have a career.


11. The farther you live from New York, the less preoccupied you'll be with literary gossip. Like cayenne pepper, literary gossip is tastiest in small doses.


12. Contrary to stereotype, most book publicists aren't fast-talking, vapid manipulators; they're usually warm, organized youngish women (yes, they are almost all women) who love to read.



13. Female writers are asked more frequently about all of the following topics than male writers: whether their work is autobiographical; whether their characters are likable; whether their unlikable characters are unlikable on purpose or the writer didn't realize what she was doing; how they manage to write after having children.




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13 Books You Need To Read If You've Ever Felt Like The Odd One Out

These main characters are each on a journey to find their place in the world. Their stories are wild and beautiful.


This Wild Family Tale Written for a Girl with a Tail


This Wild Family Tale Written for a Girl with a Tail


Miranda is part of a family of circus freaks made to have deformities devised purposely to create a homegrown freak show, (accomplished by the parent members' experiments with radioactive material and drugs). She looks normal save a small tail she flaunts as a stripper. It's written as a family history by her mother who gave her up.


Little Back Story: The book's original cover art by Chip Kidd sports a five-legged dog, (he added an extra leg to the Knopf dog logo in honor of the characters).


Bottom line: You'll love the stripped bare raw humanity in this tale that defies the most freakish deformities of the physical body.


Amazon / Via amazon.com


This Laugh Out Loud Story Written By An Author Who Tragically Committed Suicide Before It Was Published


This Laugh Out Loud Story Written By An Author Who Tragically Committed Suicide Before It Was Published


“A green hunting cap squeezed the top of the fleshy balloon of a head."


Thus describes the uncanny roguish hero Ignatius J. Reilly, a man in his 30s working at a pants factory and hot dog stand while living with his mother. He is highly educated despite his low skilled jobs, and the novel follows the format of Ignatius' favorite book, Boethius' Consolation of Philosophy .


Little Back Story: Toole's manuscript was rejected by Simon and Schuster during his life, then his mother discovered a carbon copy of his manuscript after his suicide and pushed it for publication. It went on to win the Pulitzer Prize.


Bottom Line: Read this for a rollicking good time with a crazy cast of characters that will have you rooting for the idealist underemployed Ignatius to the last page.


Amazon / Via amazon.com


This True Memoir of a Boy Left to His Own Devices


This True Memoir of a Boy Left to His Own Devices


"I was like a packet of powdered Sea Monkeys and they were like water."


This is how Augusten describes his experience growing up in his mother's shrink's home, the psychiatrist's family acting as the "water." He has almost total freedom, allowed to drop out of school but actually craves adult guidance. He settles for attention in adolescence in the form of sex with the shrink's adopted son, a man over twice his age. His road to self-reliance is kicked off when he literally knocks down the ceiling of his house to put in a makeshift skylight.


Little Back Story: The names of people in the book had been changed, but the psychiatrist filed suit against Burroughs and his publisher, alleging defamation, demanded that it be marketed as a "book" rather than a "memoir." So it was printed with the description of book in the author's note, but it still stated memoir on the cover and in marketing.


Bottom line: Brace yourself for truth that's stranger than fiction and by the end wanting to hug and high five the man who wrote this memoir.


Amazon / Via amazon.com


This Classic Tale of an Orphan and an Unusual Benefactor


This Classic Tale of an Orphan and an Unusual Benefactor


Pip never knew his parents and is raised by his sister who is constantly berating him and whips him with a rod called "tickler." But he's kindly treated by his sister's husband and becomes needed in a strange sort of way by an old jilted-at-the-altar woman who has never taken off her wedding dress. Later on, he acquires a mysterious benefactor.


Little Back Story: Dickens wrote two different endings. His wealthy aristocratic pal, Edward Bulwer-Lytton, advised him against the original ending which was much more downbeat than the one in current editions.


Bottom line: If you've ever craved support while at the same time wanting to stand on your own, you'll like this classic which is a classic for good reason. Its themes are timeless.


Amazon / Via amazon.com




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Which Dr. Seuss Character Are You?

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” ― Dr. Seuss



Random House


Thursday, January 15, 2015

Which Book Should You Date?

It was love at first write.



Jarry Lee / BuzzFeed / Thinkstock


13 Rescue Dogs Who Look Like Famous Writers

The photo series has been created to raise awareness for adopting rescue dogs and helping shelters care for the animals.


To celebrate, he decided he wanted to give his new pet, Rothko, and millions of other rescue dogs a voice by creating a new photo series entitled Poetic Dogs.


Bannino wrote on the project's IndieGoGo page: "#POETICDOGS is a photo-project where dogs are besides famous writers: Speaking through their expressions, sounds and movements, they're telling you everything saying nothing, just like an author would do with words in a fine poem."


Charles Bukowski


Charles Bukowski


The campaign is hoping to raise $6,000 (£3,943) so more dogs can be helped and a book of the images featuring their stories can be created.


Dan Bannino


Charles Dickens


Charles Dickens


Bannino admitted it was tricky getting some of the dogs to pose in the same manner as their lookalike authors.


Dan Bannino


Charles Pierre Baudelaire


Charles Pierre Baudelaire


"The difficulty, in addition to attracting their attention in the room, was to reproduce the same expression of the chosen writer," he said. "That's why I invested all this time in this project, trying to communicate with them and always make them having fun."


Dan Bannino




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13 Times Books Perfectly Described Heartbreak

“It has done me good,” said the fox, “because of the color of the wheat fields.”


The Fault in Our Stars, John Green


The Fault in Our Stars, John Green


Why this breaks your heart: When you're in that first yearning stage -- standing on the outer edges of love and peering into it -- you think that surely you can withstand any heartbreak that may result from lending your heart to someone else. You beautiful fool.


Alex Alvarez / BuzzFeed


Anne of Green Gables, L.M. Montgomery


Anne of Green Gables, L.M. Montgomery


Why this breaks your heart: You know too well that all beginnings have their endings, even if they're way off somewhere far. It's tempting to try and protect your heart to keep it from ever breaking. But! A heart that's never used is also broken.


Alex Alvarez / BuzzFeed / Via Marina Mikhaylovich / Thinkstock


The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, L. Frank Baum


The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, L. Frank Baum


Why this breaks your heart: Because to live is to be hurt, although that shouldn't ever stop you from doing all that awful, wonderful, bittersweet living.


Alex Alvarez / BuzzFeed / Via Konstantin Kirillov / Thinkstock


The Little Mermaid, Hans Christian Andersen


The Little Mermaid, Hans Christian Andersen


Why this breaks your heart: Sometimes you put yourself out there and, well. And nothing.


Alex Alvarez / BuzzFeed




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Neil Gaiman Shares The Easiest Way To Become A Successful Writer

“You must catch, with your bare hands, the smallest of the crows.”



While answering asks on tumblr, Neil Gaiman gave away all his secrets.




rebloggy.com




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Nicholas Sparks Has A Furniture Collection For Some Reason

And yet, love letters from Noah Calhoun are still not available for purchase.


Nicholas Sparks, romance writing machine and inventor of everyone’s dream boyfriend Noah Calhoun, is now in the furniture design business because of #synergy.


Nicholas Sparks, romance writing machine and inventor of everyone’s dream boyfriend Noah Calhoun, is now in the furniture design business because of #synergy.


New Line Cinema


The collection, exclusive to Sam’s Club, is based on his upcoming novel The Longest Ride, and will be featured in the upcoming movie adaptation of the film because that’s how branding works.


In case you were wondering what this has to do with writing or being an author, there is a Solid Wood Writing Desk, with decorative metal ties.


The collection, exclusive to Sam’s Club, is based on his upcoming novel The Longest Ride, and will be featured in the upcoming movie adaptation of the film because that’s how branding works.


www3.samsclub.com


There’s also a book case where you can put your own tear-stained copies of Nights in Rodanthe.


There’s also a book case where you can put your own tear-stained copies of Nights in Rodanthe.


www3.samsclub.com


Still, we would be much more interested in this collection if there were other things included...


Still, we would be much more interested in this collection if there were other things included...


New Line Cinema / www3.samsclub.com




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19 Gorgeous Vintage Photos That Celebrate Black Women's Beauty

The new book Vintage Black Glamour is filled with beautiful and inspiring images of black women throughout the 20th century. Here’s a look at some of them.


Valaida Snow


Valaida Snow


Snow is pictured conducting an orchestra in London, October 1934.


Associated News


Pearl Primus


Pearl Primus


Primus was a dancer and choreographer known for creating dances like “Strange Fruit” and “The Negro Speaks of Rivers.”


Carl Van Vechten/Van Vechten Trust/Yale Collection of American Literature, Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library Carl Van Vechten


Margot Webb


Margot Webb


The dancer is pictured in 1934.


Associated News


Margaret Tynes


Margaret Tynes


The internationally-known singer is pictured in 1959.


Carl Van Vechten/Van Vechten Trust/Yale Collection of American Literature, Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library Carl Van Vechten




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